


Boys Don't Cry

by BlaiddDrwg1982



Series: This is the Soundtrack of Our Life [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dead Before the Start, M/M, Mean Author, RIP Stiles, Song fic, Strong Derek, That Damn Radio, Them Feels, They Had A Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:30:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlaiddDrwg1982/pseuds/BlaiddDrwg1982
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 2028, Derek confronts the ghosts of his past, with a reassuringly warm hand to keep him company. And that damn radio happens to have the perfect song for his mood.</p>
<p>Song Title: Boys Don't Cry<br/>Band: Keith and Renee (Formerly 'Easily Amused')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys Don't Cry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mulder200](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mulder200/gifts).



> I love Derek and Stiles...I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Seriously. I cried while writing it.

He always hated today. Every year, without fail, he dreaded this one square inch on the calendar. He'd been assured that time would heal all wounds, and while this was a deeper wound than he'd ever experienced in his life, it stung like it was fresh. Staring at the long faded glow in the dark stars that had been glued to the ceiling by his laughing husband when they'd found out they were going to be parents. Stiles had wanted to make the house a magical wonder for their child. Every room was going to be a different theme. Daddies' room was the space room because Stiles always told Derek he was out of this world. The house had the colour consistency of a colour blind person organizing paint swatches, but 6 years, Derek didn't have the heart to change a single thing.

Reluctantly rolling out of bed, pulling himself away from the memory of Stiles loving smile and self depreciating laugh, he crept silently across the hall. Their son still lay sound asleep, lips parted in a sad pout. Dark eye lashes from Derek rested again the pale cheeks their son inherited from from the Stilinski. It had been a medical wonder that the science got to where it had. They were able to create a child from both of them, so their mischievous little boy would be both of theirs in blood, not just in their hearts. 

Showering and dressing, Derek looked in the mirror. Normally he'd shave before heading out to something like this, but it was Stiles. Stiles always loved him a little scruffy. Pulling on his suit jacket he crossed the hall and pressed a kiss to his son's forehead.

"Time to wake up Stanley. We have to get ready to go."

***

The 5 year old normally hated waking up before he was ready, but it the The Day. This was the 6th time he'd made this trip, the first time being when he was 2 days old. This was the second one he'd remember, but last year's was already a fading memory. His mind was getting sharper. Some of the werewolf DNA was sparking to life, and the steel trap Stilinski mind was kicking into gear too. Throwing his covers off him, Stanley wiped at his face, and for once didn't protest at having a shower instead of a bath. Brushing his teeth, he didn't worry about his hair. Daddy had let him buzz his hair to be like Dad's for today, and he really liked it. Maybe if he was good, he could keep it like this for a while longer.

Getting into his suit, the one that was bought special for today, and would only be worn today. Daddy would fold up his own suit, and he'd fold up his. They'd get packed away, and in 51 weeks, they'd pull out the suits, and burn them in the yard. He'd remembered doing that last year. Daddy had said that it was part of the ritual, to try and cleanse and heal. Stanley thought it was just so Daddy would keep his mind off things and not look so sad. Climbing down the stairs, fixing the clip on tie that had been bought for the occasion, he put on the pinch shoes and looked up when he took his Daddy's hand. 

"Daddy?"

Daddy looked down at him with the sad smile that he'd sometimes have when looking at him.

"Yes Stanley?"

"I love you Daddy."

Feeling his father's strong hands under his shoulders, he felt himself get swung up like he weighed nothing.

"I love you too son. I love you too."

***

Driving the old beaten up Jeep always just seemed right on this day more than any other. He still kept it tuned up, even all these years later. There was better technology on the road, and he'd had to refit the damn thing to not needed gasoline, but, if the wind caught it just right, there was still that unmistakable scent of Stiles in the seats. 

Crossing town the long way, he pointed out to Stanley the house that Stiles had grown up in, and the house that Grampa Stilinski moved to after he and Stiles had moved out. He pointed out where Uncle Scott grew up, and received the Bite. He pointed out where Aunt Lydia and Uncle Jackson finally got married. Stanley had been present, but was only about a month old at the time so that didn't really count. They drove by the old hospital where Stanley was actually born, and where Uncle Scott's mom had worked until the new hospital opened up. Now she was teaching the new nurses, so she didn't smell like hospitals anymore.

Pulling into the cemetery, there was a less than subtle shift in Derek's mood. He was getting edgier. He always did. He could never stay long here, but they had their ritual. Every year, on today, they come, lay flowers, stay as long as Derek could stand it, and then leave. Last year he'd managed to stay a total of two whole minutes. Then he'd retreat, feel like a coward, but put on a brave face so their son wouldn't have to worry about him. They'd go home, take off their suits, and go for lunch at the Diner with the people who were so much braver than him, and would linger graveside, exchanging stories and catching up.

Getting out of the Jeep, he helped Stanley out, and crunched across the gravel to the path that lead to an obsidian black stone, with silver inlay. There was room for two names, dates, and everything.

Stiles Hale-Stilinski

Loving Husband - Beloved Father

1995-2023

Derek Hale-Stilinski

Loving Husband - Loving Father

1988-

They'd left his year of death blank. It was morbid, seeing it just waiting for the last 4 digits to appear, but Derek insisted on it. He didn't want Stanley to have to worry about anything like this morbid display. It had taken until 3 years ago to actually commit to the decision. Tearing his eyes up from from the beautifully engraved tomb stone, he saw Scott and Allison come and join him, her ever expanding middle looking like it was going to burst any day now. Lydia looked unusually subdued for a Banshee in a cemetery, but she'd said before that her emotional ties to this group were what kept her grounded, and especially given the friend they'd lost, when she wailed that night, it was the last time. She still had her powers, but losing Stiles had broken her. Jackson even was more subdued. Stiles, he was reluctant to admit, was a friend, and they were all one big Pack. 

Derek rested his hands on Stanley's shoulders, feeling the breeze on his face, and scenting the air for danger. In the distance, a few plots over, the window of a truck was open, the radio on softly, giving him a soundtrack to today.

 

_Not that long ago maybe five or so_

_I was a child_

 

Looking down at Stanley's face, he smiled a sad soft smile.  

 

_Saw the world with eyes_

_Open wide and bright_

_Innocent smile_

 

Stanley had inherited his eyes, but Stiles more full, expressive mouth. It was one of the things that kept him tethered to this world. This one little person needed him, but he needed this little person so much more.

 

_In a world of greed_

_Everyone in need_

_I stayed a child_

_Never cry the tears_

_Never show your fears_

_Innocent child_

 

_Boys don't cry the ones who succeed_

_Act your age be all you can be_

_You can be_

 

That was a message his Uncle Peter had all but beaten into him. Biting and losing his girlfriend in High School, losing his parents, his sisters, his brothers. All the loss he'd suffered at Peter's hands, and that was the message his bastard of an uncle beat into him. Be strong. Be a soldier. Be distant. Be aloof. Be emotionless.

 

_So my world began_

_Made a superman_

_Disguised a child_

_Hold the family name_

_In your hands they'd say_

_You are our child_

_When your granddad died_

_He held up his pride_

_Lived quite a while_

_You must do the same_

_Never be ashamed_

_You'll make us proud_

 

He was the last living Hale, after they'd destroyed Peter of course. He'd walled up his heart thoroughly by then, but the one human in their group, had started to chip away at that wall. He'd squared his shoulders, and tried to ignore it, but there was a lingering doubt in his mind.

 

_Boys don't cry the ones who succeed_

_Act your age be all you can be_

_You can be_

 

_And so to this day_

_I've remained this way_

_Innocent child_

_Lived my forty years_

_Never showing fear_

_Not for a while_

 

It took next to no time once he'd started. Their courtship had been brief, and their marriage full of love. They greatest moment they shared was finding out their embryo had implanted in the surrogate, and they were going to be Fathers. He's let the crack in his armour shine through for one brief moment, dropping his guard. Nothing had prepared him though for the loss he'd yet have to endure.

 

_Tried to break away_

_Hard to live that way_

_In front of your child_

 

 

Eyes pinched shut, tighter than the grip he'd had on Stiles hand in the hospital room, succumbing to his injuries six days before Stanley was born.

 

"Derek...are they safe? Did we save them?"

 

"Yeah Stiles. We did it...you did it."

 

A shuddering cough that was wet with blood.

 

"Dude. I'm a hero!"

 

With a smile on his face, the light in his eyes faded, hand still locked in Derek's.

 

"You were always my hero."

 

Derek didn't cry then. He couldn't. They had to pull him away from Stiles, to clean him up, and make the arrangements.

 

_Listen to me son_

_Don't do what I've done_

_Cry like a child_

 

Feeling a pair of small hands creep up and hold his, Derek let out a strangled cross between a cry and a yelp. 

 

"It's okay Daddy. Sometimes I cry too."

 

_Boys do cry the one's who succeed_

_Act your age be all you can be_

_You can be._

 

Dropping to his knees, he pulled Stanley into his arms, and for the first time in his life, he finally, openly, wept.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Presumes Derek's Birth Year being 1988.
> 
> Gifted to someone whose kind comments have been pretty encouraging. Thank you!
> 
> The song can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=QX5cQKLL6ns#t=116


End file.
